I have a lot of provocative ideas and I’d like to express
them, trouble is, my anxiety holds me back and well, I chicken out.
Maybe that’s just an excuse. Maybe I just don’t want to spew
out my thoughts on social media and open myself up to criticism and debate. I’m
kind of a coward that way, I guess. I’m often impressed by (though just as many
times, embarrassed for) those that are able to keenly articulate their point of
view on an issue and weather the storm that often comes along with that kind of
openness.
I admit, I read a lot of those exchanges, but often find
myself too tired or ultimately disinterested to continue. I guess in part because
there are so many things in my life of managing anxiety, panic and depression
that I don’t actively seek out ways to get myself more worked up than I need to
be at any given time.
Of course I still educate myself on current issues and form
opinions when needed or I’m inspired to, but then I stop short of posting those
views publicly. Even if I wanted to post my views, I fear I would lose steam or
energy in trying to valiantly defend my thoughts to those who may disagree.
I don’t like churning things up and I don’t like forced
conflict (though I will advocate for the things I am passionate about) and
sometimes I just want to keep my social interactions, pleasant and amiable.
Sound wimpy? Probably. However, through the years of dealing
inside the tangled wires of my brain, I have found that I don’t need to
participate in exchanges where I can add no perceivable value to the
conversation. I have nothing to prove (at least not right now) and instead,
choose to keep my opinions to myself and enjoy the spectacle that sometimes
unfolds in front of me on my screen. When it’s not working for me anymore, I
tune out.
Tune out that is, after I’ve done my share of reposting
vague motivational sayings or Weiner dog videos.
