Thursday, 24 September 2015

Oh don't you worry, I have provocative thoughts...

I have a lot of provocative ideas and I’d like to express them, trouble is, my anxiety holds me back and well, I chicken out.

Maybe that’s just an excuse. Maybe I just don’t want to spew out my thoughts on social media and open myself up to criticism and debate. I’m kind of a coward that way, I guess. I’m often impressed by (though just as many times, embarrassed for) those that are able to keenly articulate their point of view on an issue and weather the storm that often comes along with that kind of openness.

I admit, I read a lot of those exchanges, but often find myself too tired or ultimately disinterested to continue. I guess in part because there are so many things in my life of managing anxiety, panic and depression that I don’t actively seek out ways to get myself more worked up than I need to be at any given time.

Of course I still educate myself on current issues and form opinions when needed or I’m inspired to, but then I stop short of posting those views publicly. Even if I wanted to post my views, I fear I would lose steam or energy in trying to valiantly defend my thoughts to those who may disagree.

I don’t like churning things up and I don’t like forced conflict (though I will advocate for the things I am passionate about) and sometimes I just want to keep my social interactions, pleasant and amiable.

Sound wimpy? Probably. However, through the years of dealing inside the tangled wires of my brain, I have found that I don’t need to participate in exchanges where I can add no perceivable value to the conversation. I have nothing to prove (at least not right now) and instead, choose to keep my opinions to myself and enjoy the spectacle that sometimes unfolds in front of me on my screen. When it’s not working for me anymore, I tune out.

Tune out that is, after I’ve done my share of reposting vague motivational sayings or Weiner dog videos.

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